Well...this morning has gone down another shit hole that I've havent expected. Last night was full of tears and sorrow, at least for my mother. This was another day where my father had to be in his best on being an asshole to her. And of course, I had nothing to say but stay in my room and hear my mother suffer as my bastard father verbally abuses her.

Why stay and defend her you ask? To be honest, I keep asking myself the same thing. Its not that I'm scared of this bastard, its just that I'm too scared of what I would do to him rather than say something to him. This man is someone I could never stay calm for because he is a pure bastard; not only because what he doesn't do for me and my sister as a father, but its his decisions that really tick me off.

Everytime he leaves us for something he pisses me off even more. Most of the key reasons he leaves us is financial reasons, like if we need to pay off the morgage or something and we dont have any money, he just runs off like it was nothing. Even worse when he meets some other whore out of state and decided to support her rather than supporting his family...I mean who in their right mind would support some whore rather than a man's own family...and if its not a whore he's helping, he puts his friend's needs above his family's.

I don't know how my mother could put up with someone single-minded as him. I guess its just the stubborness in the family or something...I dont know...but what I know is, I hate him.

Whenever I see him, I keep thinking:
"Why is this man alive?"
"Why should I let him live?"
"Why is this bastard my father?"
"....applesauce."

As you all notice, yes I have issues...who doesn't? And why should you care reading this? I don't know, but as long as that bastard walks on this earth I have to suffer by hearing my mother crying her tears over and over for this man who doesn't love her; Telling me over and over, "Why is God punishing me?". I dont know what to do...and I dont know how long I can take this crap, it hurts me so much when I hear my mother in so much emotional pain; its overwhelming. Sometimes I wish I could just run away from this, just like everyone in this family has been doing....but you know what...I cant because I'm gonna have to hear all this bullshit because I cant run, drive a car or anything.

I am a sad soul...